Doreen Elizabeth [Jeffs] O'Kane

Doreen Elizabeth Jeffs -- college graduation portrait (circa 1942)

"Immortality Lies in Being Remembered by Family and Friends." -- John D. Tew 

I have never understood the jokes about mothers-in-law. 

Doreen O'Kane is my wife Molly's mother.  I have known her since I was in high school.  For more than 41 years she has been my mother-in-law and the relationship has always been like having a second mother. If choosing one's mother-in-law were an option, Doreen is just the kind of woman I  would have chosen. I have never in all the years I have known her had cause to think otherwise. 

In the pre-dawn hours this morning, Molly received a phone call that woke us up while we were visiting my sister and her husband in New Hope, PA.  Doreen's 97th birthday was coming up on November 10th, but early this morning she passed away peacefully in her sleep at the retirement community near our home in Virginia where she has lived since 2002. Being in her mid-nineties, we knew that this day was probably not far off, but when the actuality of the loss registered during our long trip home it still did not seem real. 

I have always thought and often voiced the opinion that dying peacefully while sleeping was a reward for a life well led -- and so I was happy for Doreen to have passed without pain, or fear, or loss of dignity. Just a few short weeks ago, Doreen was surrounded by the "girls" in her life when visited by her two daughters and her two great granddaughters.  Her two grandsons and granddaughter-in-law were also there for a nice visit, a leisurely walk outside on a beautifully warm, sunny day, and an al fresco balcony lunch.  Life was all around and she enjoyed the day with her family.

Doreen with all her "girls" (August 2017)

Doreen with her daughters, grandsons, great granddaughters, granddaughter-in-law, and son-in-law (August 2017) 

Doreen was born in November 1920 in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. She graduated from Queens University in Kingston, Ontario and later attended graduate school at Cornell University in Ithaca, New York where she studied biology. She met a fellow graduate student there named Daniel J. O'Kane, Jr. and they were married in Toronto on December 28, 1946. Dan and Doreen had three children: Patrick, Kathy, and Molly. She was the grandmother of two grandsons -- Jonathan and Christopher -- and two great granddaughters, Nora who will be three in November (one week to the day before Doreen's birthday) and Marigold who just turned four months old two days ago. 

Immortality lies in being remembered by family and friends and so it is true that Doreen is not really gone, she is still with us -- and that will not end. Today we choose to celebrate and recall moments in a long and successful life well led .  .  . Doreen as as loved daughter, an independent woman, a loved and loving wife, a mother of three, a grandmother of two grandsons, and a great grandmother of two little girls.

Doreen circa 1921

Doreen as a toddler

Doreen in high school

Doreen in Canadian uniform (circa 1943)

Doreen and Daniel O'Kane as newlyweds (Dec. 28, 1946)

Doreen's children -- Kathy, Patrick & Molly (1950s)

Doreen with her parents, Doug and Eulalie Jeffs (August 21, 1976)

Doreen's grandsons -- Jonathan & Christopher (1980s)

Doreen's great granddaughters, Nora & Marigold (May 2017)

Doreen (circa 2009)

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All photos in the collection of the author

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Copyright 2017, John D. Tew

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